puddlejumper70

Don't believe you have to immediately start burning through the steps in order to stay sober. Just a few weeks ago, I felt nearly the exact same as you after relapsing HARD... abruptly ending years of dry drunking it. I went to meetings with a pessimistic attitude, constantly checking the clock, to now actually looking forward to attending several a week.

Just continue to go and listen with an open mind. One thing that was said by an old timer in one of the groups I attended was to "fake it until you make it." He himself said that he had gone to about 100 meetings before he became truly ready to begin working the program in earnest. Up until then he would use the encouraging words, and the newfound fact that he was not alone with his thoughts, cravings, and misgivings about sobriety, to actually stay sober. Thus far, I have found this to be very helpful as well.

You can muscle through it, and when you wake up in the morning be sure to take a personal note of how grateful you are that you didn't drink the night before. The next time you want to drink, think of that feeling. Don't let this s**t push you around.