Originally Posted by
Acheleus 
I was at a meeting last night and I noticed that I always feel better after going to meetings. Earlier this month I wrote a statement for a professional organization. The organization wanted an entire history of my alcohol use--amounts, types of alcohol used, etc.
Surprisingly, I felt positive after writing the statement. I could see patterns in my history of use and I learned that I have earned my sobriety by changing my perspective about everything. The reality of my problem is scary, but I believe that I have the tools I need to make sure I live life on life's terms as a sober person.
I posted to reach out and ask if anyone gained clarity about self-destructive behavior patterns as they progressed in sobriety. For a couple of months I was taking my sobriety for granted, focusing on other things and worrying too much about the future. I then wrote the statement and I felt different about everything related to my alcoholism. The reality of the past became more vivid.
Did you learn more about your alcoholism as you remained sober? If so, what did you learn? Do you still feel embarrassed about your past actions?
A few things- going backwards starting with your questions - yes, I have learned and keep learning more about my alcoholism; one thing I believe is the saying that there are as many kinds of alcoholism as there are alcoholics. My business is tending to my kind. My side of the street and all. My learning was specifically helped by my step 4 inventories, it is helped by almost every meeting I attend (looking for comparison not differences, etc) and work with my sponsor and growing my spiritual fitness. Only on rare occasions does a "wince" worthy memory pop up - I anticipate that will always happen bc, well, now I am a good sober person who should acknowledge if not "regret nor shut the door on" (paraphrase BB 4th ed) things I have done; they must be compartmentalized, however, because self-flagelation is only harmful (to me and others) and dwelling in the past is useless as a frequent occurrence.
I also believe that as much as possible, I must focus on today, and NEVER take my sobriety for granted. When I fret or future-project and such, I get anxious, restless, worried and other things that keep me from tending to my present. Plus, it robs me of gratitude and joy in what I have NOW.
Introspection is good - forward action and living in steps 1,10,12 continuously is best for me.