Very incisive post, Achelus.
First, you mention that they reality of our problem is scary.
I couldn't agree more.
Even after being sober a good while, I am deathly afraid of relapse.
Recovery from alcoholism doesn't permit us to take a day off.
We have to be on guard every day.
Second, you stated that the reality of our past becomes more vivid.
That has certainly been the case for me.
But I am no longer embarrassed about how much I drank or how badly I misbehaved.
I'm not that person today.
Lastly, what you did sounds a lot like a thorough First Step.
It sounds like you did a great job on it and that it had a very positive effect.