Originally Posted by
CelticZebra 
...I feel despair, my mind attempts to find suggestions to make me feel better, my depression causes me to remember past feelings and suicidal thoughts vs '***-it-all' thinking, of course the AV pops up as that's what I used to do (drink) to alter my mood. Now I never drink I also never attempt suicide. It's taken a while to work that one out.
I'm confused but my BP is the same "I never drink now"
CZ,
There is a good description of how the Beast often uses the threat of suicide to argue for more drinking, as a way to stay alive by drinking, under the heading 'The Addicto-Depressive Condition', on pages 184-188 of
RR: The New Cure.
The Beast isn't really in the game to die, though, or it wouldn't suggest drinking, and in
The Art of AVRT, Trimpey explicitly suggests cutting off the Beast's legs by making a modified Big Plan to include never committing suicide.
You've apparently come to the same conclusion via experience, and have taken away your Beast's classic fallback ploy for arguing that 'you may as well drink' so that IT may live another day.
No need to be confused.