Originally Posted by
Nata1980 
Yeah I at times wonder how many opportunities in life I have missed due to O'Henry novel-like moments and my inability to pick up on social cues (a little bit on autism spectrum myself perhaps?)
Ladybird -
I can totally relate to your worries about your kids - especially the boy on the spectrum - I have one myself, he is 13 now. Sort of similar situation with XAH - he lives 4 hours away and is not very involved
I can relate to resentment - I had all these visions of traveling the country for work and taking fun jobs and now I am sort of stuck because my current position affords for flexibility and stability. XAH's plan was to be the main caregiver, except it does not quite work when you are actively drinking.
Maybe you can start small - do you work currently? If not - you can visit BF frequently in several weeks increments and see how your kids get along without you.
Is it a permanent gig or temporary assignment for him? I work for multi-national company and once you get to a certain management level - you need to do a foreign service assignment - many moms with multiple kids choose to "wait at out" in home country while husband is away on assignment and visits every month - it is not like their marriages dissolve - it is a temporary thing
Plus - if you move - do you "lose" your friends, your support system? What will not moving do to your relationship?
As a person who moved across the ocean once to be with XAH - I'd say think about yourself first. If relationship was meant to be - I feel like it will work out either way
Even flaky XAH flew across the ocean to visit me and purchased a house in hopes to lure me in lol. I disagree with the statement that by not willing to move you would be rejecting him - you are not a 19 year old student with no commitments - it is a big decision. Plus, distance makes the heart grow fonder for sure.
I did voluntary work but have health issues of my own so I am now a carer for the autistic son. Exah was sober for 3 months a year ago and he moved nearby to be "more involved" but has been wasted ever since. I stupidly got my hopes up at that time and thought my dream to move abroad might become a reality but it came crashing very quickly when I realised exah was not in recovery anymore and I had to re-think support for the boys and my health issues got worse too.
His new job will be permanent and he won't be coming back. He lived over there for 19 out of the last 22 years. I met him when he came back for a holiday and he stayed here for the last 2 years cos he met me but am not enough for him. That not being mean about myself but he hates living here and is miserable. He's never settled.
I went for a month last year and the boys were fine. Going for good is not an option as things are tho. They re not self supporting and have no one else they can live with. For myself I'd lose my friends here if I go. I have cats I am very attached too but one is too old to travel. I would miss one of my daughters and my boys. I also have to consider that due to his work my boyfriend would be away a lot so I'd have to be independent very quickly in a foreign country and make my own friends and life.
I discussed all this with my boyfriend today and it's clear that I would have to work full time too. The elephant in the room is I am not well enough to work full time. I am on disability and going somewhere else to live is not going to make me better. He's gone very quiet now cos I think he's starting to see this not a cake and eat it situation. When he goes he's ultimately going to have to split with me unless he comes back.