Yeah I at times wonder how many opportunities in life I have missed due to O'Henry novel-like moments and my inability to pick up on social cues (a little bit on autism spectrum myself perhaps?)
Ladybird -
I can totally relate to your worries about your kids - especially the boy on the spectrum - I have one myself, he is 13 now. Sort of similar situation with XAH - he lives 4 hours away and is not very involved
I can relate to resentment - I had all these visions of traveling the country for work and taking fun jobs and now I am sort of stuck because my current position affords for flexibility and stability. XAH's plan was to be the main caregiver, except it does not quite work when you are actively drinking.
Maybe you can start small - do you work currently? If not - you can visit BF frequently in several weeks increments and see how your kids get along without you.
Is it a permanent gig or temporary assignment for him? I work for multi-national company and once you get to a certain management level - you need to do a foreign service assignment - many moms with multiple kids choose to "wait at out" in home country while husband is away on assignment and visits every month - it is not like their marriages dissolve - it is a temporary thing
Plus - if you move - do you "lose" your friends, your support system? What will not moving do to your relationship?
As a person who moved across the ocean once to be with XAH - I'd say think about yourself first. If relationship was meant to be - I feel like it will work out either way
Even flaky XAH flew across the ocean to visit me and purchased a house in hopes to lure me in lol. I disagree with the statement that by not willing to move you would be rejecting him - you are not a 19 year old student with no commitments - it is a big decision. Plus, distance makes the heart grow fonder for sure.