I truly feel that as we develop in our sobriety, we see the person we are more clearly. I for one saw how alcohol had affected my responses to Mr T and other family members. I wouldn't necessarily start an argument, that was never who I am, but I would use the excuse of one to climb into a bottle and be 'poor me'. When the bottle was no longer an option, I could no longer hide from either his behaviour or my responses. That in itself forced changes. Mr T changed, because I was no longer as malleable as I used to be, and the 'reward' for his behaviour - of seeing me drunk and upset allowing him to feel his superiority, no longer occurred. We have had our ups and downs over the last four years, but I can honestly say, my differing responses to h is action, or those of other - or that of situations - have changed our relationship for the better. It is on a more balanced keel as we steer this marriage through hopefully calmer waters.
As we know, not all relationships can - or necessarily should- survive the sobering of one partner. Perhaps the relationship would have had no longevity if they hadn't sought retreat from it in the bottle, rather, sought to deal with it in the way it should have been.
Babs, you always have the support and strength of the Marchers, I admire your tenacity immensely, and am possibly more aware than you of your inner core of strength.