Originally Posted by
aliciagr 
I saw you posting the other day. Will make a confession that I found these boards in dealing with cocaine addiction, but its in relation to my husband. So, I wont try to claim Oh its easy just do what I did.
But I did read about how you had to have your nose reconstructed. That would be good incentive for me. Can they even do it a second time?
My husband goes bonkers on cocaine but its been sporatic. as in years inbetween when he picks it up. He put it down again months after picking it up last year, but there was a lot of damage. And truthfully, I got hurt by the drug too. Maybe go on rewind in your mind and remember all the damage the drug did to you. Its like a selfish lover dont you think? It gives, but it takes so much more. Bet you wouldnt put up with that kind of relationship if it were a person?
hey - yeah i used to do cocaine sporadically but when i did it would really go for it. Gaps between using starting getting shorter until I was doing it pretty much daily (with breaks in between binges to sleep and recover).
My nose was a massive incentive to not use again - after my nose op (about 9 months ago) I didn't dare touch C and thought it was totally over me. But regardless of that I used again two days ago and have been fighting to use again today. When I get into this state I feel I can convince myself of anything - one time or two times wont matter, my nose is very healed by now, if i wash it out properly afterwards it's fine..ugh even writing down all the excuses I tell myself annoy me!! It SHOULD be an massive incentive but right now it's just not.
I'm not sure if they could do it a second time. Even the first time the Dr told me it was at the limit of what he was willing to fix. If you lose too much of your septum you have no chance of building it up again and you will only be able to fix it aesthetically but it will be a non functioning nose. Luckily I was right on the edge and the surgeon managed to build me a 'functioning' septum using cartilage taken from between ribs. Massive op and it really should be incentive but it's just not.
As for your husband, is he getting treatment? Being with a partner who is an addict is very difficult, of course you got hurt too... When i was using a lot I was very shut off, very selfish, very volatile - I would not chose to put up with that in my relationship..
It's so easy to convince yourself as an addict that it's a one off. That you can do it once and stop again. It's so easy to totally convince yourself that it's scary. And that's the real battle. That no matter how true you think something is and no matter how much you believe (i believe) i can do it tonight and thats it that it never works out that way! So just telling myself that.....