Hey Sherry! Wow...glad to see you made it back. I definitely know how you're feeling--way too well. I remember when I came back into AA after my last "research project" one of the guy's said to me: I bet you feel like burnt toast.
Uh-huh. And then some.
But, you know the drill--you have the tools...have you decided what you're going to do next? I know that once I start down that slippery slope by first of all cutting off communication with my HP, then becomming wrapped up in my character defects, I know that some self-defeating behavior is going to happen--whether it be gorging myself on chocolate or taking a drink. But, I've learned that maybe--yeah, it might JUST BE that I'm going to gorge myself on chocolate this time...but what about the next time? That's what really scares me. That next time never has to come as long as I keep in fit spiritual condition. I don't know that much about other drugs, seeing as my DOC is alcohol, and the only other thing I did was smoke pot. But, I gathered from your post that the Ultimate Demon is crack...which I can relate to with alcohol. Anything I do that weakens my defense against that Ultimate Demon will eventually have me turning to it again--in your case, smoking weed.
I just can't go there anymore.
You're in my prayers and I hope you get back to going to those meetings!!! I know how hard it must be...really. But, be totally honest with them. That honesty is what will save you!
Everyone else--good to see that you're doing well!
Take care,
Danielle