Some really intresting posts here, thanks! Very insightful. For now I think I came to the conclusion that it's just different philosophical approaches to sobriety and maybe life in general.
Dee, I think that's my problem right now, I don't fully trust myself yet. I've been sabotaging myself for years, making myself feel miserable on purpose and it's still a very new chapter for me to learn to acccept, like and trust myself.
Maybe that'll come over time and then I feel like I can honestly say that I "know" that I will never change my mind about it. Although the analytical part in me just frowns whenever I make statements about the future cause the future is unknown to all of us.
Gottalife: I did want to end the misery I found myself in and I still do. That's why I didn't drink for the last 5 months and that's why I won't drink today. And that's all I feel comfortable comitting to at this point. I'm pretty sure I will still think the same way about it tomorrow, next month and hopefully forever but that's just me making predictions about the future.
I'm not sure if you meant me with the previous poster who still sees a reward in drinking. I don't see any reward in it, I see it as self destruction. But from the past I know that I have a strong tendency to behave that way.
Joey112: I definitely decided that alcohol is no longer an option for anything. It's off the table. But then I don't know if I ever change my point of view on this. But I didn't give this decision an expiry date either.
Not missing the buzz much, wasn't what I drank for. I love being a bit more clear headed now and not "having to drink" in order to function. In the end I only drank to not get all panicky, shaky and weird.
Zenchaser: Your last post made me think a lot. I know I won't drink today, no matter what. And I don't really fantasise about drinking when on holiday or any specific situation. So I think I didn't leave any back doors open in that way. I think at this point, there's only two scenarios in my head about future me drinking/relapsing. One is me forgetting about my addiction after many many years and then thinking I could drink normally again (which I don't do know but I heard about this happening to others) or me giving up on life and everything, drinking my self to death in a purely self destructive way (which I hope I will never do but am afraid of). I love what your avatar says btw!
Hi there Steely!
yes you nailed it "I have no intention but it could happen". Too much worrying maybe? Probably just the usual and general fear of the future and not being able to fully trust ourselves, thinking we will do something wrong, ******* it up. Lots of work left to do, but we're getting there. For now I'll stick to the "today", living in the presence as much as I can. And hopefully soon I will have a brighter, less anxious and more positive outlook on the future. I think I can already see the sun coming up on the horizon sometimes.