Thanks Scott, I think I just realised something reading your post. I think part of why I don't feel comfortable to say I will never drink again is, that part of me is scared of the future, that something might change in the way I see things, that I will be too weak and will feel like giving up. That's just unnecessary worrying and not living in the presence. It's projecting traumas from the past into the future. I think that's what made me stick to the "one day at a time" cause that's something I have to internalise in many ways. I live too much in the past and in the future that I tend to forget about the now. So the "just for today" approach does also remove some of these fears. But I see that there's still much work left to do at the not-worrying-about-the-future-front.
I wouldn't say I'm white knuckling though, I started seeing a therapist weekly the month I got sober. In therapy I'm working on the traumas that led me to drinking. I made some changes in my day to day life, allowing myself me time again and starting some creative hobbies again. I also make sure to have a somewhat regular sleeping pattern, which I didn't have for years. This is also my first attempt at sobriety and everything's still a bit new to me. I only realised I had a drinking problem last autumn and that's when I stopped drinking. I'm still a bit confused by all of this sometimes.