Originally Posted by
kevlarsjal 
Did that maybe leave some kind of back door open for the AV?
I think so.
By not committing to never drinking again, what have you committed to? At some time drinking? Hence the constant thinking about drinking. Your addiction is trying to wear you down.
If you had a life-threatening allergy to tree nuts, could you make a life-long commitment to never eating nuts? I'm thinking you could.
Then why should alcohol be different. You have an allergy to alcohol. It isn't going to get better. Accept it. Accept never drinking again.