As usual you make perfect sense Lexie. I tend to see things very black and white. I don't want to reject him. He's a lovely person, very clever but unassuming, and he's such good fun when he's here and my boys love him too. I guess am scared of him rejecting me cos, from where I am sitting, am not a great option for him at the moment.
What is best for me is being with him. I can be alone. I've done that to death for years but I don't want to be without him. Am not dependent on him but he enhances my life. He's the only person I know who can make me laugh until I cry, who makes me feel good about myself when am down or having a very bad hair day lol, who sees me for who I am but still loves me. He's a one off for me. They don't come round very often in one lifetime. I'll be brave a while longer.