Back again- Take two
Hi guys. Well, in November of last year I joined this forum and vowed to quit alcohol for the first time.
I made it about 3 weeks and felt better and better as the time went by.I was becoming really happy again, the light had returned to my eyes and I was simply feeling great in general.
On Thanksgiving, I let off the gas and had a glass of wine. I've been drinking ever since. I thought things were fine because I hadn't had a blacked out jekyl/hyde monster episode from November until Tuesday of this week, but Tuesday it happened again and now I am here to quit again, once and for all.
So today is day 2 for me. I know I have to do this to preserve my life, health, relationships, safety, and what dignity I currently have left.
I know it won't be easy, but if I just take it one day at a time like last time, I think I can do it. If it's okay, I'll post here when I feel that voice creeping in on me.
I know that if I don't quit, one morning when I wake up in tears not having any memory but chalky snippets of my horrible behavior towards my husband from the night before, instead of hugging me and forgiving me, he is going to say he's had it. I do not mistake his kindness and forgiveness for weakness or tolerance. Dear God do not let me push this good man to his breaking point. I am smart enough to know ahead of time that this heart breaking moment is only a few black outs away and I have the power to stop it before it happens and reverse the inevitable by quitting the booze.
I have to stop. I can't just have 1 drink once in a while. I can't just have 2 drinks a night. I can't only drink on holidays. I am self destructive and the alcohol is my way of sabotaging myself.