Yes, she was very attractive, at least when she was taking care of herself. In her mugshots she didn't look very good, just as you'd expect a drug addict who got arrested would look. I know she takes a lot of pride in her appearance and often sent me selfies but once you're in the grips of a serious drug addiction, your ability and desire to care about your appearance goes out the door.
Two things: First, I thought if I tried helping her out I could possibly stabilize her living situation, which I hoped would eliminate the desire to escort. But even when she was doing that she never made enough money to avoid being evicted. Second, if I could convince her to go to rehab things might start looking up for her. But she rarely wanted to talk about that particular topic. Perhaps she was embarrassed. She said I was being too judgmental, but considering the circumstances I think it was justified. She blew off five court appearances, didn't comply with a court-ordered drug treatment program, and had a warrant for a greater part of a year that she never addressed because she didn't want to deal with it. When she got arrested last August, he bailed her out and she never showed up for her hearing and that led to the other warrant. I would think he knew of the consequences of doing that but who knows. Maybe he wanted her to go to jail. She's on probation now and if she gets arrested again she'll be facing five years in prison.
She got mad at me for following her court cases, but I had paid her fines for her (which was really stupid of me, especially since she never thanked me for doing that) and now I'm tied to her first case because of that. I had a vested interest in what was happening and the fact that it's a matter of public record; all you have to do is Google her name and a lot of that information shows up on the first page of results. She won't be able to ignore her problems or her past anymore.
I've tried to be understanding. I grew up with extremely judgmental parents who questioned everything I did, even when I was an honor student and stayed out of trouble. I don't want to be like that. I could have walked away from her many times in the past but I continued to believe in her when few others would. I could talk calmly to her about things while her ex went off on her on a daily basis and she said she appreciated that I didn't treat her like a child. I have always been an extremely patient person, and to a fault, I put up with way too much of others' BS. I reached my breaking point with her after her arrest in August. I had some very unkind words for her when I found out she blew off her court appearance and got another warrant. We did not part on good terms. I also wrote her a bunch of really long emails explaining everything to her but I am pretty sure even to this day she hasn't read them (although her ex might have, which is upsetting).
Do I miss her? Absolutely. But I know I cannot let her back into my life because I know she will continue to disappoint me and I can't let her hurt me again. I'll always have a place in my heart for her, but my heart and psyche can't take any more of her problems.