Old 03-11-2017, 04:36 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
ScaredWife29
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 42
You are certainly not alone. I can relate to everything you said. I am also new to this forum (joined this week to post about my current situation). Your words really resonate with me, from the anxiety you experience walking up to the door, to the disappointment and frustration at seeing them already drunk. I have been so scared to come home when he has been alone, and also scared to leave him alone. Recently, I stopped making plans with friends for fear that he would be home alone and go to the nearby store and buy alcohol. He is extremely abusive when drunk, often threatens to divorce me, and often leaves to get a hotel room for the night.

My AH and I are both in our late 20s. We've been together 4 years and married for less than 1 year. My AH started drinking alone and becoming very verbally abusive 2 months before the wedding. He adamantly denied he was drinking. I went through with the wedding and he kept drinking and got even more verbally abusive, all the while denying the drinking. He finally came clean about it in October. He had a stint in rehab and relapsed, then had another realization and relapsed again. He blames me for the drinking.

Have you considered telling your family? I was afraid to tell mine, but they ended up being very supportive and understanding. I now talk to them every day about it and it helps. Only my parents, aunt, and a couple of close friends know, but it helps. Going through it alone is so difficult. Have you also considered therapy? I have been seeing a therapist for about a year and it has been helpful. I also recently told AH's parents about his drinking. His uncontrollable rage, coupled with his vague suicidal statements, left me terrified. I had to tell his parents. They seemed supportive at first, but bailed on actually helping him. AH is currently sober, but only becsuse I make sure to be with him 24/7 outside of work. This is the third time he has vowed to stay sober, but I somehow do not believe him.

I am also going to start regularly going to al-anon (I have only been to 2 meetings). If things with my AH are not better by August/September, I am walking away.

We deserve more than this. It is a very lonely life.
ScaredWife29 is offline