Thank you, Dee. That was a sweet hug.
But it is still what I feel shame about in relation to addiction. Waste.
I know you're right. We are where we are.
When I did my (many) 4th steps, it was hard to find situations in which I had been unkind. Because - even with drugs & alcohol in the mix - at my center, I am a kind & loving person. But then (probably on my 3rd 4th step) I had the horrifying realization that I had greedily consumed way more than my share. That the loss was in what I had NOT done with my resources.
I blew a lot of money on drugs & alcohol.
A lot.
Resources that could have impacted the world, or a person, or created safety for me. I wasted valuable resources. Just blew them (literally).
Still working on this. Plus, I have **** credit. It's hard to appear successful in recovery when you arrive in the trembling beater car. I would like to transcend this stuff. Your word-hug helps. But it is the shadow-spot, still.
Posting on & reading this thread was actually difficult! I'm here though!