This is my nightmare. It was hard to even read this thread.
I've faced up to & dealt with much of my financial irresponsibility, but it still lurks. I drive a crappy car that rattles & rolls because my credit is shot for a long long time. I am always on the edge. The only thing I held sacrosanct was my 401k - didn't touch it. But I spent the entire profit/equity on a house I sold on my "life adventure." I have to work hard to accept that this is just my story. It makes me feel uncomfortable in my body when I consider it.
I was a cocaine addict. Cocaine is a very expensive addiction. I could have transformed the lives of everyone in a third world village with the resources I greedily snorted into my nose. It hurts my heart.
I take steps to repair the mess & then freeze, paralyzed. It is the hardest part of recovery, for me.