It is so hard. I tried to leave 4 times before I did. Had apartments lined up and everything. To date, the ONLY regret I have is not following through with leaving the FIRST time.
We give them so many chances to change....and the whole time, WE could have changed too. Big hugs - it is very difficult to leave a relationship - let alone a marriage. The things we stay through are a testament to our strength, will power and fortitude for what we would do to fight for a relationship.
However, WE deserve to fight for OURSELVES just as fervently. We deserve partners with as much strength, fortitude and willpower towards the relationship as we have. We deserve reciprocity, happiness, security and peace...because those are the things WE give to a partnership. I have never seen a relationship with an addict so far that provides any of those things consistently.