Hello Behappy, I'm so sorry you've had such a hard time. It isn't too much information, I expect we've all been there. As you say, it's good that you wrote the post, so that you can reflect on it on the future.
Please believe me when I say - it doesn't have to be this way - you can rise above this, you are stronger than you think. You have within you a higher self that can completely override, dismiss, negate, that AV.
I achieved freedom from drinking, after drinking excessively for over twenty years every day and the last five years all day, every day. I stopped drinking by utilising AVRT. The crux is making a Big Plan, which means taking drinking off the table forever. That's the scary part. But it's also the most powerful part - once you accept that drinking is dangerous, poisonous, and not conducive to a life well lived: then it's in your best interests to stop forever.
I know you can do that, Behappy, because I have and believe me, I'm not a special snowflake!