Thank you for the kind responses. Today I am going to a state park to walk on some trails and be near the water. Things are calm in my life today and I have the space for serenity and peace.
I am very concerned about the bar exam. It is in July and I plan on beginning a study routine this month. I'm very glad that I am sober and stable today so I can concentrate all of my energy on this task.
I had been chain smoking for too long so in January I quit smoking cold turkey. It was brutal but I feel calmer and cleaner today. Long, strenuous walks help me and I plan on starting a running regimen next week.
Of course I am still playing music and reading for pleasure. I have a lot to study before finals in May. I'm learning how to depend on myself and not others.
I want to give back and be less selfish. I am working on it.