looking back, I can see where I crossed the line into full blown alcoholism- I could no longer not drink even when I didn't want to. I didn't see it at the time, but I see it now.
and still drank for 9 more years with everything getting worse- the most crucial was internally- I was hating myself more and more as time went on.
when I got sober, it was a fight- fighting the mental obsession. I worked at fighting one day at a time, but some days it was down to one second at a time. the great thing that kept me fighting was my past- i heard early on(in AA) that if ya don't remember your last drunk, ya haven't had it yet.
welp, i don't remember much of my last drunk. it was a rip snortin blackout. but i remembered a LOT from the next day. i remembered the terror,bewilderment, and remorse. people in AA said it would get better if i worked for it. i put faith in their words and kept fighting.
getting sober was the hardest thing ive ever done- harder than fighting cancer.
staying sober has been easy and well worth every second of fight.
half, it WILL get easier. its going to take T.I.M.E., but it will. wish i could say only a week or 2, but that's not the case- years of drinking and the insanity that comes with it isn't going to be fixed quickly, but as long as ya fight and put in footwork on changing you, it WILL get easier.
on the other hand, it is possible to say its already improving:
you've gotten out of denial about the seriousness of what alcohol is doing- that's improvement.
youre out of denial about the wreckage alcohol has done- that's improvement.
youre here and sharing whats going on- that's improvement.
youre sober on a Saturday night- that's improvement.