Your post made me very emotional, halfalife. Almost everything you said brought back bittersweet memories of how it once was - and what it evolved into. I was so innocent & inexperienced decades ago when I had my first sips. Never could I have imagined the road it was putting me on. I'm happy that at 39 you've begun to reclaim your life. I went on much longer, clinging to the fun it once was - causing more damage & heartache at every turn.
I'm so glad you're here to share your thoughts, and to receive the help & encouragement we offer each other. Not sure where I'd be without SR.