ScottfromWI
Thank you... SR allows me to share without shameful worried glances and assumptions that I have just allowed myself to fail. Everyone here is fighting for their lives and it's felt instantly that it's safe to share ones most shameful pieces of themselves.
My parents are hard working Midwestern middle aged decent folks with health problems. I would feel terrible for burdening them.
Moving from out west to the east coast has helped the situation become worse in that drinking causes you to isolate. Moving here and starting over placed me in a situation where I had no one local to reach out to and truth be told probably wouldn't have...I had grown fiercely independent and clung to that isolation in recent years. I had given up on people (I won't go into the details of how I arrived at that point).
My sole best friend lives in Europe and on my two visits to see her, and sporadic Skype calls, chats...she knows in her heart that I am battling something. I feel selfish to share it or burden anyone. I guess that is the truth of it.
I already feel awful about a handful of things I have become...I don't want to create worry or worse, for them to see me how I see myself.
I dug this hole...so I feel deeply that I have to fix this on my own. I do agree that I would want to know if someone I loved was struggling with something that could kill them in the end. I am not certain why I apply different rules for myself.