Thank you, Ariesagain.
I miss feeling hopeful and excited for the future...so far, positive efforts are driven towards what the future might hold. So I have been waking up and deciding to not drink. I stay busy enough in a traveling job and my fitness is important (which is ironically counterintuitive to my previous lifestyle).
So, for the next 60 days...my plan is to wake up sober, eat well, sleep as well as I can, be busy (home projects and work travel) and then when possibly my heart and spirit feel a little better about my efforts...I will set new goals.
I have told no one...not my family, really no one. I am not prepared to share with anyone how bad things have gotten in two and a half years.
I can be disciplined when I need to, quit smoking cold turkey 15 years ago...but this as you likely know is different.