Originally Posted by
sweetichick 
I'm back to day one. I fought with my ex 3 hours and heard everything wrong with me since childhood. My dad thinks he is doing it on purpose so he can take over and become my carer. I have bipolar. Plus the yelling there is yelling and insane yelling and this was insane. I don't know how his past wives didn't drink themselves to death. One of them did and is as dead as a door mat. I can see why now.
I so understand this. I have someone in my life who makes me so crazy I want to use every time I am around her. We have such epic fights, and she can make me feel like the absolute biggest piece of crap. She was a big part of why I relapsed this last time.
The thing is, I realized this time that while she was laying in bed, sleeping the sleep of the self justified, I was up sick and jonesing because I had allowed her actions and behavior to con me into using one more time. Because I was mad and hurt. But, who ultimately really suffers in the end?? We do. Using didn't make anything better. It just made me sick, prolonged my wds, and gave me more reasons to hate myself. Just another thing for me to 'get over'. And, even though she may have lit the match, I let it burn. So now, I am sick and have to start over again, and I have no one to blame but myself. And, the problem is still there. Only now I can't deal with it because I have to deal with this. Using or drinking is just not the answer. Now I have two people to be angry at. Her. And me.
I hope this helps a little. I can really relate to your post. Thank you for sharing.
And, thanks everyone for the tips on dealing with cravings. They really help.