Thread: Please Help!
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Old 03-02-2017, 05:30 AM
  # 8 (permalink)  
LexieCat
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Hi, and welcome.

First off, I have worked professionally in the domestic violence field for a very long time. Strangulation ("choking" is what happens when you eat too fast and the food goes down the wrong way) is one of the HIGHEST predictors of lethality in an abusive relationship. Even though he acts "sweet" when he's not drinking, abuse and alcoholism are two separate issues. The abuse is grounded in a sense of entitlement--that he has the right to control you. So even if he were to quit drinking, you are in a dangerous relationship.

Lean on your family for support. He will survive without you. He survived up until 8 months ago, right? Didn't know who you were. Not only does he not NEED you to survive, the relationship with you allows him to feel OK about himself. Things are NOT OK with him, but you aren't the one to enlighten him about that. He has to figure it out for himself.

I second the idea of calling your local shelter, or the National Domestic Violence Hotline and talking with an advocate. They can hook you up with information, counseling if you need or want it, a safety plan to protect you, and anything else that will help. I'm assuming you are a young woman. You have your whole life ahead of you. Please don't squander it on trying to "fix" an abusive alcoholic. You can't, and you are putting your life in jeopardy if you go back with him.
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