Thanks for all your replies!
I looked for an al anon meeting near me and there isn't one for about fifty miles so it's out of the question.
I am very surprised as I live in a big city.
Ariesagain was quite profound with the comments about fixing my past in my present.
To everyone around me I've been absolutely normal but I keep bursting into tears at odd moments, like tonight walking home from the supermarket. Reading some of the other threads on the forum has been good for me. It's true that an A wouldn't want a partner full time trying to temper there drinking. This was why his marriage broke up, or the main reason anyway. She turned to religion for solace in the end.
I can't understand why a guy would put alcohol above sex and love but that's me.
It's not the first time round the block for me and him either so I'm not so cut up about it as last time. This is as much to do with me as it does with him. It's also true that A's are users, or at least it's true in my experience.
He took me everywhere with him where he's seen regularly like his company, his local bar and the places he goes in the city. Maybe I'm cynical but I think he did this so people would think he was "normal" . He's been divorced for years but never had girlfriends except some scenario with a wealthy woman who lived in a different continent who would visit from time to time.
I felt that after I had served my purpose I was no longer any use to him . Maybe I'm just paranoid but that's my feeling.
I think he's a good guy really. I've not heard a thing from him since our tiff early Sunday morning. Unfortunately, he is very good friend with my boss and we know all the same people so it's hard to go no contact, but I knew all this before I got involved. I don't regret what happened between us because in a lot of ways it was beautiful and I've got some lovely memories. I just wish I had handled myself better but I'm only human and I really have genuine feelings for him x