It sounds like you have a great guy now who is actually allowing you to be yourself. I too struggle immensely with people pleasing to a very unhealthy degree that brings great distress whether I please or disappoint. I believe this stems from other partners not letting me "be me" and letting them dictate who I should be and not let me be who I really am.
Are you familiar with Pure O? It's a bit of a subset of OCD where instead of having any compulsions, those are absent and you just essentially have obsession. It sound awfully familiar to what you are saying. Almost like an obsession with second guessing who you are ("what if" thoughts). Anyway...wondering if you have struggled with OCD in your life at all.