Self sabotage is a real pain in the ar$e, I think many people on here will relate.
For me, it use to be my AV telling myself 'go get wasted because people in general suck and are nasty so let's forget everyone else and get nasty too'.
My AV is a liar though. In my early days of sobriety (and I'm still in the early days - 110 and counting) I would use distraction techniques (art, reading books, reading posts here, deep breathing). My AV would settle down eventually.
Nowadays when someone gets under my skin, I either walk away from them or I let them know I refuse to engage and the discussion needs to stop! I also try to put myself in their shoes and quite often I will have pity for them. Your neighbour is obviously not a happy person. I sense a lot of bitterness exuding from her which means she no doubt has her own demons and is taking it out on everyone around her, including you.
Try to have empathy for her and your anger should subside
