wanttobehealthy

Short version of a much more complicated story

A man I have been friends with for a very, very long time, who my kids know and enjoy spending time with, crossed a line blurring the line between friends and more than friends a few weeks ago.

It wasn't a terrible thing necessarily but I told him I needed some time to think about how I felt, how this impacted my kids, etc...

He was, as I would have expected, totally understanding, respectful etc...

So fast forward two weeks, we talk, I admit that I care more for him too than just as friends and he tells me that in the short time that I was sorting out my feelings, his adult child announced plans to move cross country and that this shifts my friends plans to be set on sticking around this area...

I should understanding, I should be empathetic, I should chalk it up to timing being off and it being a universe message that we really are just meant to be friends.... Intellectually I get all of that and want to feel all of that.

But ego wise I feel manipulated and jerked around and annoyed. On his part he seems to think that it's totally normal to blur the lines of friendship vs something more, create confusion and then announce he wants to leave the option open to move far away but still wants to revert to being good friends and hanging out while he sorts out what he is going to do...

I have told him I am beyond confused and need to sort out what I think and feel before I speak to him about this anymore...

Problem is, I am struggling to do that-- sort out my feelings that is...

Am I wrong to be so annoyed with him and this whole situation?

Mostly I am irate with myself for having my kids get to know (they've known he and his family since they were babies) him and spend time with him and enjoy his company and now, to me, this feels like my setting my kids up to have yet one more person be wishy washy in their life and I feel like it is my fault.

My knee jerk reaction to this is to want to shut the world out of my kids lives and mine and just have it be we three, because then there would never be room for disappointment...

I know that's nuts... Im just emotionally all over the place with this right now...