Funny morning for me. Woke up and still felt the anxiety of this past weekend. It's dwindling thankfully. After I showered and got dressed I had about 45 min before I had to go to work. So I got my Refuge Recovery book out and read a chapter. The chapter was on "impermanence". Nothing last forever. Not even the high or buzz. In other words "this sh*t won't last forever". The book says this is why we indulge. Our addictive mind can't tolerate impermanence. The silver lining in this, is the fact that it can be used to our advantage. The fact that this sh*t won't last forever is true even in our darkest moments. The chapter closed with replacing the need or survival instinct of clinging, grasping, and attachment with a wise response of non clinging, non attachment, and compassion.
After that I picked up my Rational Recovery book and just randomly opened it up. It happened to fall on the chapter of "Making the Big Plan". Ironic. In my opinion making the Big Plan ties so much into the chapter I read in the Refuge Recovery on "Impermanence". Learning to put aside the need to keep something forever. The need to let go of attachment. The Beast knows and listens. Our mind doesn't want to let go. It wants the party to last forever. The fact of saying the word NEVER is so damn daunting right? For me it is. The Beast says "no man...you can't do it....our lives will be so much boring if you stop". However resonating throughout that is our own voice. Our intuition. Jack Trempey says "intuition is the display of intelligence in which the correct answer or solution to a problem materializes without evidence, proof, or structured reasoning". I vibe with that so much.
That is my voice. The smart voice. The voice of wanting to let go and accept because this sh*t can't go on forever. I will die or lead to someone else's death possibly. Or just live a life of constant suffering through addiction. I realize also that by making a big plan and/or living a life of impermanence that it may or may not lead to a better life. The only guarantees is that I will be abstinent and the any source of suffering I experience will not be due to substance abuse.
I'm off my break and gotta go back into the grinder. Just wanted to share this. Hope you all are well.