Originally Posted by
MIRecovery 
I need love and caring for others. I need a connection to God. I need to give of myself. I need to grow as a person.
I suppose I would be alive if I didn't do these things but I wouldn't be living.
Yes, and for each person out there, needs may be very different. Both within relationships and outside of those relationships. I often compare myself to others and to whatever I see they have as far as successful relationships go (not just romantic wise, but across the board) and I then try to determine my needs based on what others are or aren't getting from their interpersonal relationships.
That isn't healthy. I have to use my program to figure out what MY needs are. What is pivotal to me to be a healthy (spiritually, emotionally, mentally, physically) human in relation to others.
When looking at romantic relationships:
I have a friend who only needs her husband to take out the garbage, clean up after himself, and do the yard work, and for her, that is enough to know she is loved. I have another friend who needs to hear her bf say he loves her every day, usually multiple times a day. I have another friend who needs a man who praises her a lot and buys her gifts to show his love.
I know, that for me, I need good quality time with my man to feel connected to him and I need physical touch. Without those things I'm lost, lol. If he only says he loves me once a week, I'm good with that because that's about how often I say it. If he neglects the trash, I don't even notice. If he hasn't bought me a gift for months on end, that wouldn't bother me either because I probably haven't done the same.
But, all of those things speak to someone's love languages. Are they actually 'needs' or are they wants? Are they just "Hey, this would be nice to have, but it's not necessary?" Or are these things so important that a happy relationship can't be achieved?
I think the most important lesson I've learned is that only I can determine what is right for me and that requires me to dig deep, know myself, and use my program to figure it all out. What is OK or a need for one person, may not be anything important to someone else and if I take my cues for how I'm living MY life from others, than I'm not living for me. Only I know what is acceptable or unacceptable for me and I'm guaranteed to make mistakes along the way. But, that's OK, because they are my mistakes to make. Just food for thought!