Dina, just read your thread all the way through. I've been through similar trauma, and you don't get over it quickly, but if you put the work into it you will steadily gain perspective, start living a life focused on yourself and the boys, not him, and I predict you'll start enjoying life more that you have for years.
I'll second Dandy that a change of job might be a good plan. Seriously, the attitudes you've described are so skewed towards the man that it's just distorted. You don't need that in your life. Try not to downplay your abilities in your own mind. We can be far more critical of ourselves than anyone else would be. I suggest you get a good resume put together and start applying for jobs, just to get practice in interviews. Then when your dream job comes along you'll be ready.
It sounds like you're staying away from mutual friends. Why not go out and have coffee with some of them, or see a movie? Don't assume they're taking his side, because it's probably not true. Many people stay neutral in these situations, and why should you deprive yourself of the company of friends?
Just a word about AH and the boys. They're hurting for sure, but try not to put yourself in between them and their relationship with their father. They're old enough now to speak for themselves, and if you're trying to shield them, or getting mad on their behalf it's just going to make you more upset. Leave it to them to work out.