BonScottish

I have been going to mandatory AA 5 times a week, talking to a sponsor, and meeting with a therapist once a week. Sun-Thur I am sober. Fri-Sat I am bingeing. I have been doing this consistently since the weekend of Halloween. AA is the only show in town as far as therapy. I am a atheist too. I have been lying to everyone in the recovery network. I lie to my therapist, sponsor, work, and family. I know when I am in a meeting I am going to drink.

This past weekend was big wake up for me. I hit a bottom. 60 beers, 2 bottles of wine, and a pack of smokes. I missed out on required engagements I scheduled due to being so hangover.

I am tired of lying. I am tired of being told what to do in my recovery. I lack the network of like minded addicts I feel. That sounds funny right? I recently bought the AVRT book, Refuge Recovery book, and I am always searching through the muck of recovery knowledge out there...seeking something that resonates with me. I even started researching the Satanic bible. I do feel a sense of freedom and hope when looking through these secular / non theistic approaches to recovery. It's just when the weekend hits....my boredom and addictive voice win every time.

I don't really have any questions...I just wanted to vent a little.

Thanks.