Heartcore said:
"Because, what I've come to understand is that I drink/use to make peace with a life which is not making me happy. And I stay in a life that is not making me happy because somewhere along the way I was taught that this level of (unhappy) loyalty & perserverence made me a more grounded & honorable person (a better friend, better worker, better wife). "
Wow. That spoke directly to me. Thank you for that. Another aspect of that I've been exploring - we as women are taught, I think, that to stand up for what WE need, just for ourselves, is somehow selfish and, dare I say it, B*tchy. We put up with a lot of things in life that make us deeply unhappy, in order to appear "ladylike" and "gentle." I'm leaning to strike a balance in life - I still want very much to be a good mother and take care of my kids - that's fulfilling to me. But my unhappy marriage wasn't, so I got out. I have been judged harshly for that. But I stand my ground on that point. I'm not blaming my ex for my drinking, but I was definitely drinking to try to alleviate some of that unhappiness. Trying to explain that to people is difficult.
Anyway - I try hard to identify things that make me unhappy or uncomfortable now, and I just don't do them, unless it's absolutely necessary. Sometimes other people don't understand that. That's not my problem.