Poppet,
I am so glad you have reached out, I have been wondering how you were doing. Sounds pretty much the same. Last time you were on she was trying to stop smoking, and when she failed you were to blame. I know you know that any amount of you changing will never fully make her happy.
You know she is an addict, and addicts in their sole are very lonely and unhappy people. Addicts reflect on you their unhappiness, and that is what truly tears us down. Codies are normally very happy people, we are people pleasers. But they don't like that and tear us down to their unhappy level. You put up with it for so long, till you just can't take it any longer.
We are all here for you poppet, we care!! One day you will come here and inform us that you have the strength to do what you need to do, for you and your kids, and get out. Hon, you are a kind hearted, loving, brave women who is in a verbally abusive relationship with an addict. You are deserving of love and respect. Don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise. I am sending big bear hugs across the pond!!! One day at a time my friend!!