Old 02-22-2017, 02:53 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
IsaacT
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 12
How to let go of resentment (the biggest cause of my drinking)

Hey everyone,

I'm coming up on 15 days sober but it's still been very tough not to drink. I joined AA and I've been reading the Big Book, which has been hugely helpful. There's a passage in one of the first few chapters about how ''resentment is the ultimate killer of the alcoholic'' and, boy is that true.

Let me give a little background on how I realized I had a problem:

I'm 22 and I always had sort of questionable drinking habits (drinking more than my friends, having a hard time stopping once I started, etc.) and this scared me because my dad died of alcoholism when I was very young. I knew to be careful and I only had two rules that I thought would keep me safe: 1. Don't drink alone and 2. Don't drink when upset.

A month ago, I immediately broke both of those rules and found myself on a three-week binge. I went through a painful breakup after someone I loved with all my heart cheated and lied to me. The sad part is that I still tried to make the relationship work because I couldn't let go.

She was hysterically apologetic for a few days but I couldn't fully forgive what happened. She ran out of patience and said we were breaking up because of me and my inability to trust or forgive. She's done feeling guilty and won't even give me the time of day anymore.

She made me feel so incredibly loved and lifted my desire to drink at times, but also brought it back in full force whenever she would hurt me.

I have so much resentment about everything that happened--the fact that she's happy, living her life without me and maybe even seeing someone else while I feel deserted and forgotten.

The only time I don't care or feel okay is when I drink. But I learned three weeks ago that this just makes things worse in the long run. Still, when the pain strikes, it can be incredibly difficult not to pick up that first drink and just relieve everything for a few hours.

Any advice is appreciated!
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