Well I would say its because I am an alcoholic and my brain says" it's going to be fine this time" usually is, and then it's fine for a few more weeks, months and then I finally have a big blow out.
The last time I had an incident was one year ago after my father had died. I want to beat alcoholism because I personally don't like the way I feel being hungover and loser-ish, its not just the big bender. Everyone in my family and friends are all alcoholics. Literally all of them. My father in law has 14 DUI's and my mother in law just celebrated her 1 year sobriety after 30 years of drinking every day! We got her a trophy and had a party. Saddened me that some of her family members thought it was ok to have rounds of beers at her 1 year sober party. My grandfather was a brewer for a very large brewing company and owned a bar where my mother took over. I live in an area where everyone is an alcoholic. It is almost expected. I don't think anyone is shocked at my behavior aside from me. Its everything, but particularly booze. If I stick to beer I am ok (in my head) I know that is not the truth but I tend to make it work. As soon as I hit hard alcohol I am a disaster. I only have a few aunts, one who I see almost every day but thats about it for my side of the family. Being a drunk is like completely expected of me. After all this my wife still wants me to go out on a date with her and have drinks when we get the chance and or go to a festival or party. My fear is we go to a state where I cannot get MMJ and I end up drinking. I'm sorry but that keeps me off the booze. You must think I am nuts I know....