Till you put your recovery first and change your whole lifestyle that doesn't include alcohol then most likely you will not stop drinking. You say meetings aren't for you I'm pretty sure all of us have said that in the beginning or figure we could handle our "addiction" but in all reality we are addicts and we all have addictions.
In recovery we need the 12 steps and sponsors and meetings to cope and have an handle onto this thing called "addiction".
You also keep mentioning "your wife" and how if you get "sober she will end up losing her drinking buddy" this is your recovery only person that matters is you and till you start putting yourself and your recovery first you will continue to stay where you are ... with a drink in your hand. Sad but true I hope you change your mind about meetings maybe they didn't work for you because You weren't ready to change you weren't ready to be sober.
I wish you tons of luck and Just remember take it "one day at a time".