I recently went back and read my journal from a year ago and it reads much the same as yours. "I drink too much, I should stop, I want a drink."
I came to SR last April, joined the May class, and with the support of others found the courage and motivation to put the bottle down. Knowing I was among others who shared in my struggles; reading of their victories, downfalls, and gleaning some good ole fashioned sage advice kept me heading in the right direction. Mine is not a spotless journey....but I am sober and my journal entries these days contain much more living than they used to. Keep posting, keep journaling, and remember it's one day at a time. One hour at a time if necessary.
Pleased to have you with us!