Originally Posted by
cantstaystopped 
I suppose it is a choice and when I was going strong sober, I convinced myself it wasn't a choice though the option was always there... But I convinced myself that "I can't" as a way to strengthen my resolve.
This is a very common tactic, and often works in the short term, but just as often fails as a deterrent in the long run. People can stop drinking for short periods of time, when they feel that they can't, such as when on probation, or when pregnant.
That's essentially the idea behind Antabuse, which isn't foolproof, since people can simply stop taking it.
Originally Posted by
cantstaystopped The choices I've been making with regards to drinking are most definitely a decision I make, consciously... My desire to Not Drink at this present moment is stronger than my desire to Drink.
It may be a choice, but as long as you consider it a "daily decision", like eating ice cream, which can alternate based on momentary desires, the problem will continue unabated.
You can remove the option, though,
by deciding never to choose to drink again. In that way, you can make it a non-choice, instead of a daily decision.
Without the ambivalence, you can move forward.