Hi Coopertemple - thanks so much for your helpful post! I definitely can relate to all of it.
Even though I had the same experience, I didn't try to stop all together until I was middle aged. I spent many years trying to use willpower so I wouldn't have to give up the 'fun' of drinking - or deal with the fear of missing out. I ended up drinking all day. I was completely dependent on it to cope with life. Which of course wouldn't have been so difficult if I hadn't been drinking. As you said, a vicious cycle. I'm happy you have a month sober - congratulations!