What works for me is to do it the al-anon way; baby steps
- I set aside several weeks and go to as many meetings as I can possibly squeeze in, especially meetings that I have never been to before. I listen to people share and pay attention to two specific issues:
1- Does this person have the kind of life I want to have?
2- How does this person support others in recovery? I give them points on a list.
- When they share how often do they use the "I" pronoun? If they say things like "I have worked the steps by doing..." then they get 1 point.
- Do they use the "we" statements? As in "we alanons all suffer from...". This is a minus 10 points because they are dispensing knowledge. I am not looking for knowledge, I can get that from a shrink.
- Do they tell people what to do with their life? Such as "You should go to more meetings." That is minus 100 points.
3- I choose 6 people that have the highest points, then ask each one out for coffee. Then I ask them to tell me how the program works for them, how it has made a difference in their lives. I keep quiet, let them show me if they have the life, and wisdom, that I am looking for.
4- After I've met all six I then take one off the list, and repeat the coffee with only 5, then 4, then 3, then 2.
About halfway thru the whole process I realize I have made several new friends, and one of them winds up as the obvious choice for sponsor. So far it has worked great, I've had several sponsors over the years and they all became lifelong friends.
Mike