Hi Cantstaystopped, it sounds like you're caught in between the sober world and the alcoholic one. A dangerous game to play! It's good that you're still maintaining a connection to the program, however limited.
To stop this vicious cycle from snowballing, the first essential step is to get honest. Come clean with what you're doing and thinking in every meeting you go to and with your current sponsor to begin with, and get started on a rigorous step one. Others who have tried all their own variations of deceit will understand and not shame you! Without getting honest all the way and not just half-way, nobody can really help us. And without anybody else's help, we're left to our own devices and look where that gets us.
How about seeking a new sponsor that's really tough? And hitting the very next available meeting the minute you get the urge to drink?
Rooting for you
Keep us posted on your plan cantstayatopped.