Premeditated implies choice. I lost the power of choice. I simply could not make the sane choice because the factors that make up the reasoning process, like past experience, were not present. All there was was the obsession that this time will be ok, if there was any thought at all. I was incapable of making a sane choice.
It is why AA refers to the lack of an effective mental defence against the first drink. We talk a lot of the insanity of the first drink. That is what alcoholism is, the inability to do the right thing no matter how great the wish.