Thank you all for the support and the lack of judgement. Yesterday was drink free (with a lot of temptation) but I felt so sick, mentally and physically, that I resisted.
You're all so totally right- I need to remember that headspace, verging on euphoric, during my sober spell (aside from the last few days when anxiety started to creep in). I achieved so much, made MORE of an effort socially (rather than less, which I'd worried about) and was a much better partner, friend, family member.
Let's get myself back in that headspace.
Thank you ALL for sharing your stories and experiences, makes me understand I'm not alone. Whilst we all have very different lives (hell - what I wouldn't give to be chilling in the Bahamas!) we have one thing in common and that is the demon alcohol. In our heads, we are all so similar.