I don't see my attitudes nor my actions as being mature. (Active alcoholism stifles the maturation process.)
The experience I had and the way I dealt with it seems to have left a very deep mark. I felt like I descended into a hell. One of the first things I did after the alcoholic fog started to lift was to try to forgive and let go. It seemed to work and in not too long a time I was working and living a life with friends and relationships but when I was by myself at night, trying to sleep, I plunged back into that personal hell. It was only by being involved with people and partying that I kept that at bay. It never left me. I just kept it pushed inside.
When years later I have long periods of sobriety it's still there unresolved. This attempt to verbalise it is part of an attempt to find closure.