Originally Posted by
Blankspace87 
I am ashamed and that accounts for my silence on here of late.
Of course, I drank alcohol on Feb 1st. In fact I've drunk alcohol every damn day of February because I'm a weak waste of space. Much of it the 'peer pressure' to have a drink but I'm not kidding anyone. I'm the one also having a drink at home alone and also the one who turns 'a quick drink' or a couple that would be fine for most people, into 5, 6 hour or more binge. Dragging others along with me.
I'm so sad, I wasted that month and feel like all I 'achieved' from completing it has been replaced by complete shame because of the last 10 days.
I'm kind of in your same boat. Except this is the 1st time in my life of taking this serious. Also, I didn't have a big (oh crap, what did I do last night) mornings. I take a lot of vacation time a year. Going on 5 months now. Work hard 6 months out of the year and go sit on a beach and drink Rum and cokes for 4-6 months out of the year.
I came back home and saw my family, my Mom pretty much told me I look like **** (at 37 years old) in the nicest way possible. My step dad died and locked my self in a Condo and went on a 5 day binger. I woke up and looked at myself in the mirror while I was dry heaving, red/yellow baggy eyes, over weight, puffy red face and seeing double and it just kind of smacked me in the face.
I just realized its up to me and me only if I want to drink myself to death. No wife/ GF, no kids, small family that has just excepted my drinking and only gets upset if I drink and drive. Came on this site, signed up. Made it 2 weeks and my old boss/ Bahamian drinking buddy wants me to meet him for happy hour. Felt obligated to go because I didn't want him talking to all of our friends/ co-workers saying "I quit drinking" They all know how much I like my rum and cokes and didn't want rumors to spread. Went 5 more days then my ex calls me out of the blue and get into an argument. Go buy a bottle of rum. Then the superbowl came. All my old buddys since I'm back home, only had 3 beers. Which is really good for me.
Now, been sober since. I count the days but have learned not to obsess about them. As a newly getting sober person don't want a reason to go out on a huge binge being disappointed in my self because I had this many days or that many days sober. I'm on here every night mostly lurking. It is tough though some of my friends call me and I just don't pick up because I know they are calling me to go drinking. Avoiding having to explain getting sober to them.
I realized I can and will drink myself to death