Ugh. I'm so sorry you have to deal with that. Taking care of yourself and your kids is so important right now. Grief is so hard on it's own but to not have the support from your spouse during this time just stinks.
AH does this too. My mom died three years ago on Tuesday. He knows that day is a tough one for me. I really don't ask for much except a little comfort and for the last three years, he's put work and alcohol ahead of that. This past Tuesday he didn't even ask how I was doing and when I said I was disappointed, instead of apologizing he told me that work was more important. Ever since she died, he always finds a way to avoid addressing my grief or turn whatever thing he's dealing with into the only issue worth caring about. Show a little compassion for his wife on a difficult day? Not a priority. But making sure everyone in his office thinks he's the greatest thing to ever happen to that company and loved by all? Priority numero uno.